Ephesians 1:5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,
My Story: I've always had a heart for adoption. This journey started when I was a teen and heard about the plight of the Romanian orphans. I wrote papers and studied all aspects of adoption. When I was old enough to consider moving forward in this dream, Through my research, it was clear I wanted to do foster care, so I could take in a younger child and get to know how they fit with my family as they went through the process. Arizona is a reunification state, so I knew it would require patience and loss as children came and went. I also knew this journey was God's will and the right child would come.
After I had a license, it seemed like forever to get a call. While we waited, we did respite. We learned so much about our family, the process and little insider tips from other foster parents who we got to know. I highly recommend doing respite, its the best teacher. Respite is providing care to a child in care so the foster family can take a break.
June 26th at about 9pm we received a phone call, would we take a 4yr old girl?
They didn't know much about her, as she had just been removed. During the call it came up they were also looking for placement for her 16mos sister. Being the request was only a 3 day stay, I was well rested from a month of summer break, I said I could take her as well, as I was licensed for 2 even though I was only originally looking for one. Three days turned into months which are now years. In the process their mom had a baby, who she was able to care for until her 1st birthday now we had three little girls. They were always going home, so I never let my heart think of adoption.
Aug 2008 the original abuse reoccured, two weeks before the girls would have gone home. We were at the police station, they where shocked that the girls were still in their original placement.
The case quickly moved forward when I received a very simple email from the girls caseworker: "Would you be willing to adopt the girls?" Really God, 3? Six children? The Lord always sent me timely messages as I adjusted to this thought. This was it, God had choosen these girls, these beautiful, intelligent resilient girls to be ours.
Moving in faith, I excitedly said yes. The additional paperwork for an adoption license was painless. We now have our certification and are waiting on our court date in October, a family birthday to celebrate.
In considering adoption, here are some thoughts to consider:
Research, research, research.
Don't rule out foster care, these kids need homes too. Its a nearly free process with financial support and insurance to continue even after the adoption.
Know your family, your limits and strengths. Don't be shocked when it changes.
Have a support system.
Love adoption but the actual parenting is not your desire?
Support an adopted family. Look for needs and make an offer to help.We won't often reach out,
but we truly love the assistance when offered. Babysitting, running an errand, keeping a sick child.
A meal or a gift card to take the family out as a special treat.
Bonding:
Time, each day gets easier, don't lose faith!
Bonding can depend on the individual child. What we found works in our home are basic parenting strategies: structure, praise, play.
Our toddler came to us with absolutely no eye contact and when held kept her arms out like a T. In the evenings I would take extra time to cuddle her swaddle some what in a blanket and feeding her milk in her sippy cup. The turning point, when we took a mommy and me swim class. She had to trust me, we had good eye contact and fun. The child I couldn't get to hold me, I can now not get off my hip!
My oldest daughter Teagan, was hard core NOT wanting the 4 year old. In looking at her needs, she needed to have her own time with mom. She needed lots of praise, reassurance and to have a special place in the home. She loves little ones, so using that insight and knowing Teagan likes to be a mother figure. I gracefully step aside and offer praise as she picks out clothing options, wants to do their hair and helps with baths. She loves it when the little ones call her Momma T. She doesn't have to do all she does, but I allow her to when she wants too. I also provide her opportunities to assist. When it came to adopting the girls, I allowed Teagan to choose their new first names, as we are keeping the original names for their middle names, as a way to recognize their past. Since Sadie is old enough to know what is going on, and have a voice. Teagan and her did this task together. This summer I've been praying for bonding and it is happening, pray!
Talking positive and listening to the girls about their biological parents. I sometimes will bring them up too, making a kind reference or comment. This has allowed the girls to talk to me more openly. One of the things my licensing worker commented on was how I've taken into consideration the biological mothers feelings. Isn't that what Jesus taught? When she gave birth to Chloe, we sent her an out fit. We recognized her during all the holidays. On the final visit, Sadie and I went out and purchased a necklace for Sadie to give her, to represent they will always be a part of each others heart. I hope it was helpful to bio mom to be a role model of love and kindness. It was also a lesson for Sadie on how we treat others.
My personal goal for my foster children was that they would find foster care a loving safe place to be, in the event they needed it again. Working in a school, I cringe when I walk into a room and can pick out the foster child by their dissheveled appearance. Expect and provide an environment for success and bonding, and the children will rise to the occasssion.
Once my girls did not have visits with their bio parents, the bonding accelerated. They where no longer struggling with divided loyalty and could allow themselves to be part of our family. Faith, Patience, Flexibility!
